These Advice given by A Parent Which Helped Me as a New Father

"I think I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the truth soon became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get support. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a broader failure to talk among men, who continue to internalise negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It's not a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a few days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a family member, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their pain, changed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."